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I'm at a loss for what to post. It's been a while so no updaty post will do. There's so much going on both from the micro and macro point of view.

Guess my biggest thing right now is my stress. I've become buddies with my stress. At first it sneaks up on you and you don't even realize it's there. Then it gets so big that you resent it and curse at it and yell at it, but it doesn't go away. I'm at the next stage. The "ya-I-know-you-are-there-but there's-nothing-I-can-do-about-it-right-now-so-I'll-just-live-with-you" stage. Thing is is I've noticed recently that I have less patience and am more short-tempered (there may be other characteristics to add here but am not yet aware of them). This in turn affects my relationships and that bothers me.
I know I could fight it, get more sleep, get exercise, but really I don't have the energy to do it right now. My focus is elsewhere and it has to stay there for a little bit longer.
All work and no play doesn't make for a very pleasant munchkin :s
I'm hoping the month of May will be better. I should be able to do a little re-focusing of my energy.
April is also a very difficult month in the SAD department.

I've also been craving a change. Big time! The biggest one is I want a home with my husband. I know it'll be done soon and we can start working on that and our family but right now it just doesn't feel like the end will ever come. Right now it feels more like a looming deadline that I'm going to miss.

I feel so tired all the time. No pep at all really. Just the feeling that this or that needs to be done, do it. (That may have something to do with the SAD too.)

My sister gave me one a desktop calendar for my birthday. It's wild quotes from wild women. My favorite one so far is "My husband worries about next year. I worry about tomorrow." That's how I feel right now, I worry about tomorrow, what do I have to do? can I sneak in some me time? what do I have to do to get ready for the day after that? It just adds to the stress. My brain is working (as in actively planning, organizing, writing something) every waking hour. TV is the only thing that numbs it well. Then I just get addicted to the wonderful feeling of being numb and watch too much tv. Interesting...

I really sound like Eeyore these days. When usually I'm more like Pooh (where's my next snack?). I love being piglet (he's so cute when he giggles, very gentle). these days I feel like rabbit too, stomping around giving orders. I much rather be pooh or piglet.

Hope you are having a pooh or piglet day!

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Current Location: cold basement at work
Current Mood: hungry hungry
Current Music: infernal beeping of my instrument

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... is the bane of any student whether they want to admit it or not. Luckily, I've taken care of my procrastination (said in the most Eviiil way possible). Well, almost done taking care of it. What's left is manageable. Now on to greater things...like exercising :?

I have been on a see-saw for the past couple of hours trying to figure out if I should go to the gym. I haven't been in months (since before the summer really)and I've been feeling it lately. So why am I not just rushing out the door like I used to to go to the gym (I wonder if I could fit more "to"'s in that sentence?)? As is the root of many things, I'm scared. It's hard work, exercise needs to be a priority for it to work, in the losing-weight sense and I"m not sure I have that priority space available at the moment. At the very least, an hour spent on the bike, or treadmill, listening to music or TV can't hurt. I may not lose anything but it'll keep me active and hopefully revive those feelings I used to feel when I'd exercise (largely due to those wonderful little chemicals, endorphines.) and it'll provide some much needed relaxation time and some time for reflexion.

So. It's later that I would have liked (later in the day means more people on the machines) but I'm going. My bag is packed, here I go. Not sure if I'll attempt a go at the weight machines, but...

Hope everyone is happy and healthy.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: determined

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Tuesday August 5 – Sydney Australia


I think I will take it easy today with the walking.  My legs are recovering from 2 days of hard walking.  It’s the conference in the morning for me again.  Then I might go back to the Rocks as last night when I bought my bridge climb ticket they gave me an entry ticket for the pylon lookout (top of the bridge) for today.  However, they just called for some rain today…this afternoon :)

I might also visit the national maritime museum and then the aquarium this evening.  These two things should be done before I change hotels cause I’m moving closer to circular quay because that’s where most of the ferries and ‘shuttle’s for day excusions leave from.

Well I ended up walking to the Pylon Lookout.  It was worth it.  I saved a little bit on the entry fee.  Took loads of pictures on the way there and up at the top too.  I walked there and back.  On the way back I kept looking for a place to eat  cause my tummy was hungry and I agreed.  However I had to come all the way back to Darling Harbour to find a restaurant that was open at 7pm!  I had a lovely Italian dinner.  Good food, small portions, can’t say it was affordable though but then nothing is here.  I decided to just call it a day instead of hitting the aquarium.  My legs were killing me.  I tidied up my room and fussed about and watched some tv.  That was it really for today.  Tomorrow if my poster presentation…I’m a little nervous.


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The world looks pretty much the same upside down…really. I said a tearful goodbye to my sweetheart at the Ottawa airport Thursday night. The flight to Vancouver was uneventful. I even had the two seats beside me all to myself :) I watched some movies and thought of my love back home. In the Vancouver airport I made a shocking discovery. The Starbucks was out of coffee !!! Ok, it was almost 11pm but still…A fellow traveller was very perturbed, I on the other hand said thank you and walked away. I didn’t need the caffeine that badly.
I feel like my entire trip was a chase. We were chasing the sunset all the way to Vancouver. Then we lost it as we waited to board. Then this morning it was our turn to be chased as the sun rose behind us.
We were a little late in leaving Vancouver but the flight went smoothly…well except for a little turbulence which really wasn’t that bad (I’ve been through worse). I stayed awake for the hot dinner that was served and watched a short kids movies then fell asleep for ?? hours. I felt a little more rested after waking up. After a while I asked the stewardess how long we had left on our 15-16-17 hour (I didn’t really want to know. Knowing that it was really long was enough) flight. She said 7. I watched another movie and read a little bit then had another nap. Then read some more and it was time for breakfast and then landing in Sydney.
With 45 minutes to an hour left in our flight, the crew asked if there was a doctor, nurse or paramedic on board. This raised some eyebrows I think but there wasn’t a big commotion or anything so I assume that it wasn’t anything too serious.
I stated seeing vessels sailing on the ocean. They looked very small to me but I’m sure they were cargo ships. Then I saw the Australian coastline and it was beautiful. Lush green with many harbours. I wish I had enough time to explore all those beaches and roads. But I have a limited amount of time and I hope I will be able to make the most of it.
We landed and I got a ride to my hotel which is very close to the conference centre where the congress is being held. I have to say that I am quite disappointed in this hotel. It’s nice and clean but…I had to wait about 30 minutes to check in. The guy in front of my raised a fuss because he had been waiting 45 minutes. And there was still a lineup after me! The picture of the room on the internet were deceptive. It is the smallest hotel room I have ever visited. There is a small fridge but no dresser and a very small closet. The bathroom is nice and big but no tubby. The bed looks ok (haven’t tried it yet) but it’s on wheels. I just have to sneeze in its direction and it moves! Like I said though…it’s clean.
I tried calling my hubby then had a shower and went out into town.
I first got some lunch (oh, did I mention, my hotel is basically attached to a mall :D ? ). I decided to each my kebab sandwich sitting on the stairs beside the harbour along with my fellow tourists and Aussies. However I wasn’t warned about the gulls. The damn things dive bombed my sandwich in my hands. Ok, I had started daydreaming at the time or I was taking a pause but they wasted no time…knocked a good chunk of the chicken out of it! Damn things! Let’s just say I ate the rest of it like a hungry pauper afraid of having my lunch taken from me.
Long story short, I walked along the boardwalk to see how far my legs could take me on the map. I visited a flea market, found a bandana with the Australian flag on it for hashing, found some postcards and wrote them up. And I have scoped out the nearest Starbucks :D (there’s one right on the corner next to my hotel). Got a few groceries and picked up a bunch of brochures. Now I’m waiting for a reasonable hour to try calling my sweetheart again. I know I should go to sleep but I don’t feel sleepy…probably because I’m past the point of feeling sleepy. I know I am tired because I felt drunk towards the end of my little trip to the market. I’d like to stay awake and plan my stay. There’s so much to see, zoos and museums and walks on the bridge, the opera house, the gardens, the coast…

Oh ya, the hotel room only has 5 television stations. What the H@#% !?! That’s weird. I’ve never heard of that. Not even in Cuba!

Oh ya, saw strange looking birds in the park. Luckily they didn’t dive bomb my mocha frappucino. Will go back tomorrow and take some pictures of them. They appear to nest in the crowns of the palm trees.

Hello to everyone back home. Stay safe and take care of my D.
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This only happens to me once in a blue moon. However I'm not sure if the moon is actually blue tonight. Maybe she's sad.

I did the unthinkable yesterday. Here's how it went:
I went hashing, beautiful night for hashing except for the light rain, shitty marked trail, trail so long, half the hashers decided to head (ooops ! I said head) back to the pub for warmth and sustenance (that's beer for all you non-hashers).
I was one of these. Had a coffee and food, had a great circle hanging the hare. By circles end it was almost 10 pm and time for me to go home. Which I did. Puttered for an hour at home then put my head (ooops! did it again) on the pillow. 5 minutes later, my eyes popped open (literally) and this thought flashed in my brain: "OMG I forgot to pay the waitress!" Yes I dined and dashed (in a manner). I felt so bad I called the pub and spoke to my waitress. She informed me that my fellow hashers had paid for me and that I would "get mine" next week which can only mean a large down-down for this D'n D. I apologized again to the waitress and thanked her ?!? but sleep still evaded me so I read a chapter in my book (The Crystal Cave - side note 1: Very good book).
I managed to fall asleep. Obsviously, I am awake again with a hundred thoughts going through my brain. The first of which started with the scenario of entruders breaking into my home, what would I do? Unfortunately, this is a scenario that I do too often when I wake up in the middle of the night. This has never happened mind you and I never have this scenario play out in my brain when troll is home.
The next thoughts were just as scary as I thought about what route I would take the hashers on next week as, yes, I am haring next Monday night. So not only will I receive down-downs for a shitty trail or not enough marks or, etc, but I will get down-downs for the D'n D too! Let's just say I will most probably shit faced by the end of next Monday. Good thing is that I won't have to drive anywhere :) Except maybe to bring my car back from the beer check (possibly).
I've also got thoughts of xmas present to get troll swarming in my head (did it again!).
So, in an effort to purge all of these thoughts out of my brain (better than saying head...damn!) I am up at 3am I have openend 3 tabs in firefox and google earth in an attempt to quiet my brain enough so that I can catch the last few hours of sleep coming to me this morning.
I hope this works otherwise I will be one grumpy munchkin today.

Have a good day and (literally) top'o the mornin' to ya.


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Current Location: home
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: furnace

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Here's a follow-up on yesterday's post:

Went home, had a 3hour nap with my kitty cat. It did wonders! I woke up in a better mood and NOT tired :)

I had some snacks for dinner, got primped for going out, talked with a friend on the phone who had good news and then headed to the NAC for the Phantom of the Opera...which was wonderful! :)

I was so happy to see it again. It was beautiful. The Phantom was good, Mme Giry was great. Some of the other performers I thought were good but I had some "issues" with their performance.

But overall...It was awesome !
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A deadline is a great motivator. I just wish I had had it sooner. The date for my comprehensive exam is May 24th. Yeah! Boo! I was getting really stressed over this exam. (For those of you who don't know, a comprehensive exam is an oral exam that all PhD candidates must do in order to be able to continue in their program of study.) The not knowing when it was going to be was dreadful! So much so that I gave myself heartburn/acid reflux for a few weeks. With some help from my doctor I feel better now. I am endeavouring (is that a word?) to keep my stress levels down. This doesn't mean I can't deal with any stress, just not the kind that is associated with obsessing over future torturous exams of unknown ETAs. On top of that I was also feeling overwhelmed by the amount of reading I have to do from now until them and I also have to get my study design a little more polished up for this event. All of this certainly does not hurt my studies but more propels my study forward.
After talking with some friends I realized a very important truth...I have been studying in this discline for 10 years. I have survived a bachelor's degree and a long master's degree. That being said, I still have moments of being overwhelmed and thinking to myself, "OMG I don't have enough time. There's to much to read! I won't have time to research this or that. I need to work on my proposal." etc... You think this is nuts...wait until my thesis defence! Although, by the time I'm ready to defend, I will have gone through what all graduate students (and perhaps undergrads too) go through. It's a point that we all come to when the thought "Let's just get this over with." plays over and over. It's a feelingand when it comes, you know the end is near. It doesn't mean you are slacking off or doing a bad job of it. It's sorta like the saying: "Do or get off the pot." (Yes, I actually wrote that.)
I just keep telling myself that the examiners are not out to get me, they just want to see if I'm PhD material and if I can get it done.

In other news, the little ones in our family are sick and it's spread to at least one aunt (not me :D ) Luckily, they are on the mend (except for the aunt but she is soon to follow).

I am looking forward to the boat's launch day...which is tomorrow!!!!! As the crane lifts each boat out of its cradle and lowers it to the water where it belongs, I will be standing there looking on in wonder. That is unless luckytroll has me swabing the decks already!

There is an evil smelling cat that hangs around our house. I believe he is the source of the cat-urine-smell I smell sometimes in the evening and mornings. I was sitting on the couch last night when I got a whiff of his 'perfume' come in from the front window. When I got up to investigate, I saw the black cat run off the porch. Is it possible that a cat smells so much that he leaves his stench behind???

Current Location: Work
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: hum of my computer

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This is not in reference to the movie Smokin' Aces (though it looks good and action-filled.  Who would have thought of Alicia Keys as an assassin???)  Anyway, I'm getting off track.

Why is it that when you're out for a nice healthy walk or run, you will inevitably come up behind someone who is also enjoying a walk but smoking!  It never fails!  Plus, they are upwind, so every breath you take tastes like nicotine!  Yuke!  If you are out and about and really in need of a puff, why not wait until you get to your destination to have your smoke???  You're contaminating everyone on your path!

As for laces, damn boot laces!  No matter how hard I tighten them, they keep coming undone!  I can feel cabin fever setting in...must do everything to avoid it!


Current Location: Home
Current Music: computer humming

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-49 with the windchill. Needless to say I won't be hashing tonight. :(

Current Location: Home
Current Music: morning radio show

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I'm tired as heck but I must get this summary of the ad festival out before I forget. There were some really good ones. Not as raunchy as I remembered it to be.
Some of my favorites included a VW Fox add using Short films of Star Wars, Jaws, the Shining was my favorites. They were all done with cartoon rabbits with high pitched voices.
Some made you think. "This is the truth" and Argentinian presidential election ad which read one way was very depressing for Argentina but read backwards (line by line) was very inspirational...it's all about your point of view.
Bravia's Balls commercial was visually beautiful and Honda had a cool one where a choir sang what it would sound like to be inside the car. Very accurate and coooool!
The Grand Prix went to Guiness :) This one is too good and must be described in person. It's 'Worth the Wait' (Evolution).
That's all for now...too tired and I want to read lucky troll's email again ;)

Good night.

Hi, hi, hi...bleh! I'll be giggling at the Guiness one for a while.

Current Location: Home again
Current Mood: chipper chipper

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